We’ve all heard of drug addiction, alcohol addiction, food addiction, etc. But what the heck is relationship addiction??

Well, I have a story for you that will help to explain exactly what relationship addiction looks like.

I met this guy through a group of friends. He was oh so charming and handsome. Bonus, he was a very successful entrepreneur — something that I can probably guess is attractive to everyone!

The first three months were a whirlwind of intimacy, doting, and attention, which, for an unhealed codependent was absolute heaven!

He took me on a 5-star getaway and told me that he “loved me”. While I thought this did seem a bit premature, everything was going so wonderfully that I decided to ignore the ‘red flag’.

At first, it wasn’t serious, but when he returned from an extended trip, he gave me a lavish gift and promised me the world. I felt I was living every girls’ relationship dream life! #relationshipgoals

THE DEVALUATION PROCESS

Soon after this, things began to shift. I started to feel he was stripping away my value and importance. He began to withdraw his affection and attention, which started to make me ask myself, “What was I doing wrong?!”

He would make up stories and tell me, “I need to get some distance from you because your anxiety is making me anxious — this situation reminds me of my ex-girlfriend. My ex wasn’t a healthy person, and because of that, I was almost sent to the hospital due to panic attacks.”

Mind you; my anxiety was a result of his withdrawal of affection and attention. Because I’m an empath, I started to have sympathy for his situation.

After all this, he still played his charm and sweet-talked me into believing we had something. To add to all my confusion, he would still cook me breakfast and make me coffee to help ease my distress.

I thought that he couldn’t be a ‘monster’ because monsters don’t do sweet stuff like that. Right? Oh boy, was I wrong!

THE 4 STEPS OF RELATIONSHIP ADDICTION

You might already see the progression here…

Step 1: The “captor” (someone with a narcissistic and psychopathic personality disorder) puts the “target” in a volatile situation. For example, he withdrew his attention and affection which caused me to feel anxious.

Step 2: The “captor” creates a situation or story where the “target” starts to feel compassion toward the “captor”. For example, he told me that this situation reminded him of a past relationship that made him have panic attacks, which made me feel sorry for him.

Step 3: Finally, the “captor” does something giving and or caring for the “target” to ensure his/her target continues to trust them. For example, he fixed me breakfast and coffee and said soothing things to me to comfort me.

Step 4: This cycle continues to perpetuate itself until the “target” becomes ‘addicted’ to the “captor”.

This unhealthy process has actually been termed “Stockholm syndrome” or “trauma bonding”.

RECONNECTING TO HIGHER SELF

Empaths and healers are typical “targets” for narcissists because they are highly sensitive, with big, compassionate hearts, and the ability to forgive.

If you are or you’ve been in this situation with a toxic relationship, please know that it is not your fault. Do not blame yourself. Just remember that you are beautiful with your BIG, empathetic heart and that’s a gift.

After a lot of research, I realized that I was being abused. I conjured up the strength and decided to journey down the path of getting back to my higher self.

I knew I had to take these BOLD steps so I could permanently remove myself from the toxic relationship and get back to health once again.

HOW TO OVERCOME TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS

Here are a few healing actions you can take to remove yourself from a toxic relationship and get back to your true self.

• Reach out to someone who loves you. Someone who allows you to feel safe and you can trust to keep you accountable and out of harm’s way.
• See a therapist or coach who specializes in PTSD and/or trauma healing.
• Do things that elevate your heart and soul. Such as yoga, jogging, spending time in nature, meeting up with friends, cooking, or whatever else makes you feel alive and joyful.
• Forgive yourself. It’s easy to blame yourself for falling into a toxic relationship. However, this doesn’t serve you. Learn to forgive and have compassion for yourself.
• Avoid contact with your ex. Yes, this is way easier said than done. That’s probably not what you wanted to hear, but it’s the only way to heal.

I could go on and on and on with this list, but the bottom line is, you must realize that you are holding onto someone that never existed and a relationship that was never true.

IN CONCLUSION

At the end of it all, you must choose yourself, your future, your dreams, and your purpose.

It’s what you deserve! Never forget that you have great value and worth.

Understanding the four essential types of relationships is vital for your health and well-being. Head here to read all about these four types.

Comment below and tell me if you’ve ever experienced any toxic relationships and how you overcame them.