The only thing I could do at 2 a.m. was sit on my bed and punch the air with all my might while sobbing uncontrollably. I was RAGING mad!

I felt like I couldn’t control how I was feeling. My head was swirling in too many directions. There was a massive pit in my stomach.

I had just read a message from my boyfriend (long gone ex-boyfriend at this point). It had been a road riddled with emotional and psychological abuse, which I hadn’t truly admitted to myself yet.

Later that day when we spoke, I started to feel that rage bubbling up again, but I knew if I let it out, then that would just fuel his flame even more. So, I took a few deep breaths and was able to talk through what could have been a heated conversation calmly.

After one too many scenarios of feeling emotionally ‘swirly,’ I thought to myself, “How do I keep myself from getting into a state of utter and complete frenzy?”

In other words, how do I regulate my emotions?

At the time, I didn’t realize I was wrangling my emotions into submission. All I knew was that I needed to learn how to control my feelings in the middle of a conflict.

In all honesty, it was out of pure desperation!

And now, I’m grateful for that ex who helped me to become an expert at emotional regulation! In fact, this skill that I’ve learned has come in handy in so many situations.

And now for the juicy stuff!

DETACHING

Detaching from your emotion in a conflict or heated moment is key!

What do I mean by that? (I’m not asking you to be a non-emotive robot, btw!) It means being able to separate the issue at hand from how you feel about the issue.

For example, imagine a roller coaster (#adrenalinejunky over here!). The cars are attached, but you can disconnect the cars so that one can stand still while the other keeps on its merry way.

Here’s a little tip, you do not want your emotions to be a part of the wild ride of conflict — trust me!

So, while you’re in the midst of a conflict, take your emotions and set them aside for the time being. Because when it comes to conflict, you want to allow logic to guide your words, not your emotions.

You’re probably thinking, “Okay, I hear you! But how do I detach when I’m in that crazy-making-state of anger or rage?”

Great question! Here’s your one-word answer — release!

RELEASE RELEASE RELEASE

Mastin Kipp talks about how it takes 90 seconds for an emotion to pass through your body. He goes on to say that when you’re in your “peak emotional state” the best thing you can do is to sit and let it pass through your body.

He says to, “Just breathe and let it go.” Try repeating the mantra, “release, release, release…” as you do this!

If someone says something that has you feeling upset, angry, rageful, or all the not good feels, try to take a time-out for yourself. Let them know that you need to take a few minutes to regroup.

Here’s the thing, if they can’t respect that then you may want to reconsider what kind of space that individual is taking up in your life.

Because if they can’t respect and honor your boundaries, then they don’t actually love you. I know, that’s some #toughlove, but it’s #truth because I love YOU!

If those peak emotions continue to be triggered (when they keep on coming back around (“like a record baby right ’round ’round ’round’), then you might consider doing these five things to help you regulate your emotions.

5 STEPS TO GAIN CONTROL OF YOUR EMOTIONS

1. BREATHE. BREATHE. BREATHE.

Breath is magic!

It decreases the release in hormones that cause an increase in our heartbeat, blood pressure, and breathing. Therefore, alleviating the flight or fight response.

2. MOVE AROUND

Take a jog outside, do some kickboxing or any form of a physically challenging exercise.

I came to love jogging because I was able to jog out my triggered emotions of extreme anxiety, anger, and frustration.

Also, exercise releases endorphins and serotonin (the feel-good chemicals). Bonus!

3. FEEL THE EMOTIONS

Allow all the emotions to flow through you. Give yourself permission to sob uncontrollably or maybe get so angry that you have to scream into your pillow.

Most often when we allow ourselves to feel the emotion to its fullest, and we can acknowledge it’s there to keep us safe, then it can pass through us much quicker.

4. JAM OUT

Listen to music, and perhaps if you’re feeling like a bit of sassafras, then shake what yo’ mama gave you!

Something about music and dancing brings me into the here and now, so I’m not ‘stuck’ in the thought(s) that got me upset in the first place.

5. LET GO

Be brutally honest with yourself, and if you see this person to be a toxic force in your life (a person who triggers anxiety, fear, and anger within you), then please love yourself enough to let them go.

A SENSE OF CALM

Eventually, your emotions will begin to feel stable enough to control. The swirly, rollercoaster business will subside, and you will feel at peace once again.

And that, my dear friends, is how you regulate your emotions in a cute little nutshell.

How do you get control of your emotions? Share with us in the comments below!

For more tips, head here How to Achieve a Healthy State of Emotional Wellness!