Episode 020. You’re Not a Perfectionist… But You Are THIS



[00:00:00] Cynthia Garcia: You see, by shifting your focus from the me to the message, you’re able to step away from this idea of perfection. It’s not about you. It’s about your audience. It’s about the people that you’re here to serve with the information that, you know,

Welcome back to the Transformational Nutrition Podcast, the podcast that is redefining nutrition as anything that eats you physically, mentally and spiritually. I’m your host. Cynthia Garcia, the founder and CEO of the Institute of Transformational Nutrition.. 

And in today’s episode, we are talking about perfection.

I know it’s something that’s so many of us tend to deal with and I want to address that and what it’s really hiding in this episode. So let’s stop. So, I don’t know about you, but I feel like this idea of being perfect and being a perfectionist tends to be a bit glorified in society. I know that when I was younger, I’d be in school.

I’d have a conversation with a teacher about a project and they’d be like, oh gosh, you’re, you’re such a perfectionist. And I remember I would take that. Like it was a pat on the back, made me feel good, knowing that they were acknowledging my attention to detail and how much I wanted to get a good grade.

So on and so forth, I thought, oh, they see me, they appreciate this. And they were right. I was a perfectionist and that characteristic stuck with me for a long time, like up till now, if we’re telling the truth, right. I think we all deal with being with this idea of perfectionism on some level, at least a vast majority of us.

I’ll give you another recent example, maybe not recent, but more recent than when I was in school. When I started out as a coach, I remember one of the things I was most looking forward to was building my own website. I’m super creative. And I thought, gosh, this will be a great outlet for me. I really want to step into this side of things and I was excited, but I kept telling myself if I was able to build the most beautiful well-designed intuitive, unique website.

Then I’d be able to get a lot of clients and run a successful business. That’s the kind of pressure put on myself with this website and listen, you’re not going to believe this. I think I spent maybe two months working every single day on that website. I’m not kidding you. Hours and hours of my free time was spent choosing the colors and the fonts and writing the copy and then I’d switch it all around because I changed my mind and they weren’t perfect.

Two months I worked on this and I thought I finally got it. I thought, okay, this is perfection. It’s really ready. I was proud of myself. I was like, yeah, look, I did that. But a few days before I was going to officially launch it back in the day when launching a new website, it was like a huge event. Right.

Do you remember that? People used to like, hold a. To launch a new website or a redesigned website. It was a whole vibe. It was a whole thing. We don’t do that anymore. Anyways, back to then I was so ready to put this out there and then I saw someone else’s website. And I was immediately like, oh, there’s this so much better.

Mine is nowhere as good as that. I can make this better. I got this. And then I started over again. You can’t make it up. Like I literally started all over again. Now looking back, you know, hindsight’s 2020. I now know that no matter how perfect or not my website was, it had nothing to do with how successful I was going to.

As a coach, that was just one of the examples where I let my perfectionism keep me stuck. I still like to have things as perfect as they can be. I have really high standards, especially when it comes to quality and any work that I do in the world, that for me is non-negotiable. But also these days done.

Is better than perfect. Right? Done is better than perfect because I know that things can always be improved, but every day that I don’t put work out, that helps people I’m holding back on something that could change their lives. That could give them a little bit more pleasure or bring them more health or ease their mind or bring in more joy.

And so for me, these days, again, done is better than perfect, but perfectionism is something. So many of us deal with, and I’ve shared a couple of stories with you, especially this whole website thing, but the bigger thing that I want you to know here is that it wasn’t about my website. It wasn’t that I saw someone else’s site and thought, oh my gosh, it looks so much better.

Or about the color palette or about my logo or the font. The fact is I was. I was afraid of releasing something so personal and important to me, to the public. The truth is I was afraid to be visible. And instead of admitting that and working through it, I just patted myself on the back and I said, oh, you know, I’m just perfect.

It’s just who I am. I just have this tendency and I kept going. Can you relate to this at all? Do you try to make things perfect? Are you afraid to put them out in any way until they are? That’s what I want to talk about.

We love spotlighting the stories and transformations of our students here at ITN. I’m especially excited to share Jared Fisher’s journey from being told he had a debilitating disease and suffering a horrific accident to being a certified transformation or nutrition coach with his own thriving product-based business.

Let’s meet Jared now.

[00:06:03] Jared Fisher: I was in an accident when I was 17 years old and I woke up or I regained consciousness underwater. And I remember thinking at the time, like, this is how my life’s going to end. I’ve been a huge surfer my whole life. And I was involved in a surfing accident. I had several surgeries to repair the injury after.

I was always a really small kid growing up. I never really had a growth spurt. And so that was really a source of, I would say, insecurity for me and contributed to an overall lack of confidence. And then when I had this injury to my face, that just kind of made it worse because I had these horrific scars on my face.

I would say that really started this downward spiral. Oh, it turned into alcohol and drug abuse and really just living a lifestyle that was not supportive of good health. And then I found myself in my late twenties and I started having really bad, lower back pain. And I saw a couple of doctors and they’re looking at my MRI and they’re like, whoa, this looks for.

They diagnosed me with degenerative disc disease. There’s really no cure. And basically I was told, yeah, your spine looks like that of somebody in their sixties. From there, the daily drinking continued, I was put on prescription pain medication. Things just kind of continued to spiral and get worse from there.

[00:07:37] Cynthia Garcia: No, I have a scenario to share with you, and I think you’re going to find it really relatable. Let’s just say you have a project due in a few weeks. Maybe it’s a presentation for school and meeting at work could be your first onboarding session for a new coaching client. Think of something that applies to your.

And you’re listening to this episode, which means you were probably a self identified perfectionist. And so you’re already thinking about a hundred different things you need to do to make this project exactly how you want it. Now at first, you probably got really excited about this. You’re probably passionate about what you do, and you’re grateful to have the opportunity you think that whatever this project or presentation or client, or what have you is about, it could make a big difference in people’s lives.

I could make a big difference in your life. And then that excited feeling quickly turns to feeling overwhelmed. We think about how are we going to get it done in time? How, what if it’s not done meaning perfect by the time I need to have it finished. And then what if people don’t like it? That’s what we think.

So what do we do next? If you’re anything like I used to be, you push it off, you push it out of your mind and you think I have some time to do that. That’s plenty of time. Two weeks I got. But time keeps moving and you still don’t know where to start. You want it to impress people. You need more time to think about it now, pretty soon enough time has gone by and you find yourself the night before this thing is due and you realize that you’ve barely done any work.

So now you scramble, you finish the project to the best of your abilities, but there’s this little voice in your head saying, well, I barely had time to get it done. So this is as good as it’s going to get. And there that’s the moment I want to highlight. Because that’s where your perfectionism is acting as protection against your fear of.

It’s about your fear of visibility of being seen. If you even get this presentation down or this project done, that’s huge because most people don’t, most people will procrastinate on some of the biggest opportunities of their lives, whether that is launching their own business, their own website, showing up on social media, doing that speaking thing, like whatever that is, because they’re afraid of being visible.

It’s not perfectionist. It’s protection. Perfectionism protect says from addressing our real fears. Think of it as a shield. As soon as you have to put something out into the world that you’ve been working on, that shield comes down and you’re no longer protected. It becomes real. It becomes raw because now you’re out there.

And when you’re no longer protected, you finally have to hear what people say, what people think and whether or not what they say in. Stacks up to what you envisioned in your head. This realization that the shield is about to come down is the reason that most of us don’t follow through with what we’re supposed to do, what we’re called to do, what we truly want to do.

We go back to the drawing board to give it that one more tweak, do that one more thing, or just start all over. Until we get it. Perfect. But what does it even mean to be perfect? Like who defines that? Who defines perfect and perfectionism, there is no real meaning. Is this table I designed? Perfect. I don’t know.

Is it it’s your design, right? I have no idea what is perfect. Like my outfits gotta be perfect. Does it, what does that mean then? Like, what is that? My website has to be perfect. This talk has to be no clue what that means, and yet we live. Hold as back from living the life that we want to live. Why? Because we don’t care that we don’t know what perfectionism is, because that is an easy way for us to stay protected.

And we take it. The fact is you can’t keep hiding behind that layer of protection and perfectionism. If you do, you’ll never find the confidence to do the things that you actually want to do. And you’re always going to wonder what if, and I don’t want that for you. Listening as Jared shares his turning point and what spurred him and his family into action.

When it came to their health.

[00:11:52] Jared Fisher: I remember one day I was literally laying on the couch. I could barely move and my kids, they were young at the time and they came up to me and they’re like, Hey dad, you want to go outside and play? And I was just like, it just kinda hit. I can’t even get up and go play with my kids. And so it all kind of came to a head.

I actually went to see a doctor and he told me that I had Andrew paws, which is basically the male equivalent of menopause me going through that my wife come to find out she’s had Hashimoto’s, which is an auto-immune disease. I was experiencing what I was going through, which included drinking every day, eating out every day, taking pain medication every day.

My daughter was having allergic reactions to a lot of the things that she was eating. My son was having anxiety. So my wife was the one who really took the bull by the horns and initiated change for the family by starting to make all of our food. We stopped eating out every day. And it just went from thinking that we were healthy or doing things that were supportive of good health.

But in reality, we weren’t to making the shift where health became the focal point of both of our lives. And it was no more eating out. It was making every meal that we were eating from scratch and really reinforcing these health habits.

[00:13:19] Cynthia Garcia: So, how do you break out of this self-imposed prison? Rumi said, why do you stay in prison when the door is wide open? So I’ve had people ask me this over the years, and I want to tell you what changed everything for me. So, as you know, I went from spending two months, designing a website only to start all over when it was done, because I saw someone else’s.

And realize mine wasn’t perfect. It was about me and it was about my fear of being seen. And that’s the truth. I didn’t know it then, but I know it now here’s the story, the situation that changed everything. When I wrote my book pink method, I was had the amazing privilege of being able to launch it on the Dr.

Phil show. And so I go and I’m getting ready and I’m backstage. And I given out copies of the books before we had done focus groups. I took this really seriously because I feel like I have a responsibility for what I put out into the world. So I worked a really long time on this again. People participating so on and so forth.

So I’m backstage and I go on and just a few minutes and I am tripping. I’m like, I’m freaking out. And that’s just the truth. I keep telling myself things like, what if you fall off the stage or what, if you say something that doesn’t make any sense? I thought, what if he asks you a question and you don’t know the answer.

And in my head, I’m like, well, how would you not know the answer? You created this thing, but that didn’t matter. Like fact it didn’t matter just logic. It didn’t matter. I was all about the emotion and I was so caught up in my head and so caught up in Mimi, Mimi that I didn’t realize the woman that had walked up next to.

And she said to me, excuse me, I don’t mean to bother you. I just wanted to say thanks. And she caught me off guard because again, I didn’t see her standing there. So I turn and I look at her and I kind of fumble over my words and I say, oh, okay, you’re welcome. Thanks for what. And she said, you saved my life.

And I’ll never forget it. You see her story was that she was very overweight. In fact, the medical term, she was morbidly obese and her doctor had told her if she didn’t lose weight, she was going to die. It wasn’t a matter of if it was a matter of when and the pink method was her one shot at doing that.

And when I learned that. Everything else fell away. And I still get emotional when I think about this. And I think about what if I’d never wrote the book? What if I’d let perfectionism stand in the way? Where would that woman be? Would she be here? What about all the others who read this book or who would read this book?

I would have held them back. I would have kept them stuck. I would have been the reason they weren’t healthier and happier, spending more time with their families and loved ones because I was waiting to be perfect. And the truth was, I just was afraid to be seen, like that could have happened and it really stunned me.

It really shocked me out of my own self absorption. And that’s the truth from that moment on, I didn’t think one more time about what would happen. I thought, well, if I just fall off stage, I guess I’ll come back up. I don’t know. It can’t be that hard if he asks me something and I don’t know. Say that, or I’ll answer to the best of my, like how bad could it possibly be?

I didn’t care anymore was the point. I focused on the message that I was there to deliver. And I put it in front of the me, and that shifted everything I showed up. I said what I had to say, I served to the best of my ability and I moved forward, but that moment it changed my life.

Jared is leveraging his certified transformational nutrition certification in a different way than many coaches who become certified do. And we not only encourage that, but we love it when our students use their education in a way that inspires and motivates them to go out and impact the world and a better, healthier way.

[00:17:48] Jared Fisher: I would say I’m definitely not using it in the traditional capacity. A lot of people probably think that this program is designed for somebody who wants to work with clients one-on-one or in a small group setting. And I would say this is a great program for those who want to do that. But I would say it’s definitely not.

To those who want to work with others, one-on-one myself being an example. So my wife and I, about a year ago, we decided to take one of the recipes that she’s been making, which is a pancake and waffle mix. And turn that into a food company it’s called organically food for me, the way I’ve leveraged, that is part of the program was.

Dedicated to nutrition aspect. Part of the program was dedicated to a psychology spirituality, but there’s also this running a business component. And although I’ve been running a business in a completely different industry for the past 16 years, you know, it was really looking for some guidance there to help leverage.

Nutrition and health knowledge and translate that into the business that my wife and I have launched. There’s so much of what I’ve taken from that program has been applied to what we’re doing with organically foods, the whole business incubator, part of the CTNC program. There’s some amazing resources there.

[00:19:31] Cynthia Garcia: You see this idea of perfectionism and fear is stems from one common theme, which is again, the fact that we’re going to be visible and other people are going to think about us. And what will they think about. Right. What will they think about us? We get so caught up in that, that we let it stand in our way.

We let it send them the way of doing everything that we want to do, or that we’re meant to do. I wasn’t thinking just about me that day and what it was going to look like. If I fell off stage or said the wrong thing, I was thinking about what other people would think about me and that’s the truth. I was putting their opinions of me.

Before their opinions of even my message. And by the way, even that who cares, whose book has helped millions of people. And I’m so glad that I had the courage to get away from the me and focus on the message. Right. So you can get yourself out of this mindset and move forward without the fear of failure.

So how do you do that? Well, first you need to understand that if your intention and your mission behind what you’re putting out into the world as positive and helpful, it doesn’t matter if the delivery is a little impact. And that’s just the truth. No one cares what the font is on your website or whether you should have picked those colors are not what they care at the end of the day is if you have some information that might help them live a little healthier, happier life, right.

Just a little bit better, even it’ll change everything for them. Sometimes the tiniest things make the biggest difference. Right? I mean, think about this. Have you ever heard a motivational speech or visited a website? Loretta social media post, and maybe the person who put it out misspoke a couple of times, or they stumbled over their words in a few areas.

Maybe you’ve listened to this podcast and you’ve heard me do that because I’m human. Would you just immediately dismiss what this person was saying? Would you just forget about all the value that they just gave you and focus on the fact that they said they, instead of them, would, you know, you probably would just be like, eh, they’re human.

It happens. I mean, the truth is you probably wouldn’t think about it at all. Probably just move forward and take away the good stuff and be grateful for it. So why can’t you give yourself that same grace you see, by shifting your focus from the me to the message you’re able to step away from this idea of perfection.

It’s not about you, it’s about your audience. It’s about the people that you’re here to serve with the information that you know, so put the message. Before the meat we asked Jared what he would say was his favorite aspect of the CTMC program. And I love his response. Let’s listen

[00:22:29] Jared Fisher: from the curriculum to the faculty. I really feel like Cynthia has just pulled together some incredible resources. To create a very comprehensive program that you can follow at your own pace. What I also really liked about the program. It’s not just focusing on nutrition. It brings in and ties in the psychology component, as well as the spirituality component.

This program specifically, it’s such a comprehensive well-rounded program and it’s so well done and well put together. I would say it would be nearly impossible to go through this program and not come out with some amazing ideas. Um, at least a sense of direction is to what is it you want to be doing?

[00:23:24] Cynthia Garcia: Second thing is take the time to stop step back and acknowledge what you’re feeling. We can’t keep pushing our feelings and our emotions away. I did that for so long, which is why it took me forever to figure out that it wasn’t just about being perfect. It was about fear for me. So bring out whatever you’re feeling into the open state.

It claim. It feels. Don’t try to push it away. It’s okay. To feel fear, right? Feeling fear. Isn’t going to kill you. It might make you a little uncomfortable, but you’re going to be okay. You really will acknowledge your feelings. Be honest with yourself. Stop calling it perfectionism and start being open with the fact that maybe you’re just afraid.

Maybe you’re afraid of how people will react or what they’ll say by just owning it and claiming that you’re taking back your power. And now you have the ability to move forward. Do the work around your feelings. Why are you so scared and what are you so scared of? How can you rewrite these old stories that holds you back and keep you aware of.

Look, don’t let 2020 to be one more year that you walk into with huge goals and dreams only to have them be pushed aside because things aren’t perfect. Put the message before the me embrace the fear of doing something big and start living the life that you’ve always dreamed of. You can do this. We are hearing from Jared one last time as he shares his, Epiphanes not only from his journey, every claiming both his and his family’s health, but also from his personal journey of becoming a certified transformation, nutrition coach with ITN,

[00:25:15] Jared Fisher: the realization that I’ve come to, at least for myself, is that health. Anything else is my greatest asset. I really truly believe it’s the foundation for happiness, for fulfillment, for a better life. I feel like good health just makes everything else in life. Better. You talk to somebody that doesn’t have their health and what is it that they want more than anything.

It just want to be healthy with good health. I’m able to be a better father, a better husband, a better leader. It’s made such a big difference in my life. I’m so passionate about sharing that with other people, because I see so many people struggling and not knowing what to do, not knowing where to turn, but my name is Jared Fisher.

I live in orange county, California. I’ve been married for 13 years. I have a son Jackson daughter, Jaycee and involved in the health and wellness. I would say that’s really become like the centerpiece or the focal point of my life as of about eight years ago.

[00:26:28] Cynthia Garcia: If you want a really clear plan on rewriting your stories, you can go to my personal website, which I am no longer ashamed of. It’s Cynthia garcia.com/assessment. And you’ll see there, there are five types of stuck stories. See if the procrastinator or. And you’ll get an immediate five step plan to go in and rewrite that story of perfectionism, as well as any other stories that you might be telling yourself that are keeping you stuck and holding you back from living that life that you know you’re meant to live.

And don’t forget, you can see all the show notes and other resources for this episode over at transformation, nutrition.com/episode zero two. All right, that’s it. Take some time, go do that assessment. Grab that stack story guide so that you can start to rewrite all of these stories. Thank you so much for joining me today and I’ll see you next week for a brand new episode.



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